Five very long months that flew by

You know how they tell you ‘enjoy your babies when they are small, before you know it they are big’. You know, it is kind of very true. For five months I took care of my babies, without a break. The longest break I took was probably about 4-5 hours when I had someone watch over them for an afternoon while I called into some job interviews to hire a new PhD student. That was it. Other than that, I was the primary care giver for my twins, from the moment they were born, until the moment they were 5 months and 1 day old.

At 5 months and 1 day old they went to the daycare for two entire days consecutively. I took them in the morning – we came about 1,5 hours late because I had no idea how hard it is to get three kids ready for daycare. Then I walked back home, my hands free for a change as I left the double stroller at the daycare. I made a coffee, drank my coffee, roamed around the house, cleaned up a couple of things and then laid on the bed. While I was laying there I felt an intense feeling of relaxation. This was the very first moment in five months time that I felt responsible only for myself, and before those five months I was (very) pregnant with a huge twin belly that took all my energy and attention. Now it was just me. No babies in my belly. No babies on top of my belly. No babies in the other room. I instantly missed them and spent a good chunk of the afternoon scrolling through my phone looking at photos of my babies. Photos of my pregnancy. Photos of my eldest, who became a big brother.

I just couldn’t believe that those five months had passed so quickly. I could not imagine that we actually made it to an age where the babies started to show some level of independence. They are able to grab their own toy (when within reach). They laugh when their older brother does something funny (mostly when he climbs on top of me). They are frantically trying to roll over and when you put them on their bellies they push their butts in the air in an attempt to crawl. My once so-small babies (2,5 and 2,9 kgs) grew out to big babies in a time that honestly just flew by. In that same time my eldest matured so much, he became so much more gentle with his baby brother and sister and he became so creative in his play – inventing words and games every single day. He now even tells me that some things are dangerous (I wanted to try acroyoga with him) and he points out that I should not be angry with papa. When did all of this happen?

In one way I feel like the twins are still so young, but at the same time, I feel like I do not remember a time without them. I barely remember what it feels like to have just one child. It must have been easier, but you get used to a new situation so quickly. Taking care of three children like we have never had a different life. I also think our eldest does not remember what it was like to be an only child. He is the first to ask if the babies are also joining on any activity that we do. Off course, it is hard, it is tiring, and sometimes we barely sleep, but honestly – seeing your own children grow and develop is the most beautiful thing on earth.

You may be surprised that I started sending my babies to daycare while I did not immediately go back to work but took a week of vacation instead. Well quite frankly, I needed a small break, to gather my thoughts (among which, the once I just wrote here), to even start thinking about work and about who I am without my children and to finally clean the house. Also, I counted on it that the babies would get sick very quickly after joining daycare and that I would have to take care of them, and boy was I right?! They got sick after two days of daycare. So here I am today, picking up my three little ones in the middle of the day because one was vomiting, the other not eating, and the last one perfectly healthy but I didn’t want to leave him behind. Even though I do need a break sometimes, these are my children and it is my biggest honor to care for them, to raise them and to love them as much as I possibly can.